lina

holy hot dayum

pixistix040506@aol.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:59:17 GMT

an imbicile american pulled the fire alarm moments ago
its midnight, but my eyes were already straining away at the computer
certainly, it scared me to death because i have no tolerance to my phobia

paris-
the streets are lined with trees dressed in hallogen lights
that move and fall like icicles
the city retains age with it's cobblestoned roads and ancient marble cathedrals
its is a city of romance. love thrives in a city full of brilliant scents and skylines
but mine is farfar away
and its christmas today :[

but thats all okay
south park is hilarious in french
and i come home in three days <3
home: warm fires and my babys arms which really are the world to me
sometimes i feel wrong to say that seeing the cost it has tolled
but nothing can change love and i cannot say no to it
there is no use for that because love is an unbreakable bond that compares with nothing
it is what people need

but it really isnt just the love but the trust and the net of best-friend brothers ive also come to love
the grandparents and parents that laugh with me
as if i am one of their own
the dog that gnaws on my toes like a merciless killer then licks them clean
the giant meals and sleepy days watching movies
the adventures that love can create
the memories that i cannot deny
i love you

pixistix040506@aol.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:50:47 GMT

sometimes you gotta take a first step
and it feels really good.

pixistix040506@aol.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:56:42 GMT

so strange!! that blows my mind!
i feel bad....age wouldn't have changed anything
I wanna help but these arn't my grounds anymore

it sure makes being nice a lot easier though

<3

pixistix040506@aol.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:08:22 GMT

tooodddayyyyy
was pretty sweet
slipped on a laminated music sheet and thought i broke some metacarpals all up in that shit
got x rays annnndd
i'm just a huge pussy :x!
haha but i knew that already

then went to my bays house and decorated a christmas tree for 7 hours
holy hell i now understand what christmas is like for most families and why parents hate it haha

then i got home and saw a blast from the past via facebook
and i've already thought about why things are the way they are today concerning my friendships
i've come to the conclusion that in the end it nobody's fault
things just happen
people need to come and go sometimes
and i'm always gunna be a one on one person- someone will always feel left out
i've loved all my friends
i think i just have problems setting attention equally
it's an invisible battle, mixed with hormones and other factors
compatibility gets all messed up too
most of the time it was just too much for me

right now i'm happy with my life and i'm pretty sure all of my old bffs are too
i know that I can't single handedly affect all of their lives badly and have it last which is good because
for some reason i had to leave and for some reason i had to get left
no sadness though or regret

those were good years and these are good years and i've always loved life and i'll always love all of em

thursday feva

pixistix040506@aol.com — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:53:03 GMT

^^^ love this movie

school was pretty good today :]
julia made me a cute bracelet for christmas
i won a superlative but don't know which one haha

after school i went to joes
his mom's village=holy hellish sweetness
it's huge and adorable and i thoroughly enjoy it

i went through a cracking nutshell 101 lesson and failed

went to go rent the ugly truth, got candy and subs
made two adorable white fluffy puppies go berserk

and
i love my baby

heyheyhey

pixistix040506@aol.com — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 07:18:35 GMT

last night was funny
joes parents got louis a stripper for his birthday party
and everyone was there- his grandparents, godparents, friends
and the expressions on his face were priceless
the girl was hot as hell

but after the dances the boys chased her around for forever
takin pics and makin out with her
(not mine obviously)
but they were all worshipping her
and then they were on an adrenaline rush and started jumping around to music

i just wasn't feelin it
i wasn't in it
because i sometimes hate the way things are in this world

tonight was fun
set up the christmas village at joe's grandma's house
EDAYGH VILLAGE
(evil deeds at your grandmothers house village)

"I trust you with my life Joe!"
hahahah hilarious

anyway, after that we played truth or dare and did the funniest shit
then we went to see the second boon-dock saints (AMAZING)

and now im here
pictures of the "hottest thing in florida" and the village and such tomorrow

for now its just mrs.mediocre
lmao
hahah

pixistix040506@aol.com — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:19:05 GMT

you can try to make the world look perfect, and from and outside view it's obvious
it's showy and pretentious and unattractive.

you aren't bad people, but from an outside view, its different- almost unfair.
trying to be right all the time is hollow

aside from that
tonight was my 9mo. dinner with my bay
i gave him another comp. book and a painting
we had spagetti and red velvet cake by the tree
then i got him to watch twilight (it was more of a deal)
mahaaa.
ilovehim &now i have a religion paper to do

Thanksgiving break

pixistix040506@aol.com — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:59:51 GMT

So this thanksgiving break was fun
got to see all the cute sea creatures at sea world :]
tore up the millennia mall on black friday
rode the new roller-coasters manta and rockit
rockit wins all the way
PURE AWESOMENESS :]

Then came home to my boo!!
Saw the coolest house that had christmas lights that blinked to the songs of 107.5 FM haha
Watched UP (adorable movie)

On sunday I got my first real christmas tree :D
got my hurrr done
decorated the tree and the back porch railing full of deadly arachnids
and made a bet entrapping my lovely boyfriend to watch both twilight movies

muahahah i'm a devilish gal ;)
with an amazing boyfriend who surprised me with a super cute snowman stuffed animal which i named Feliz
he's been mega passionate recently

iiii like it ;P

pixistix040506@aol.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:44:38 GMT

a quote from the wonderful joseph martin:

"I am just frustrated because you've never poked anything out of the ordinary."

inseparable ;P

pixistix040506@aol.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:25:35 GMT

Inspired Images photos!

I lovelovelove my life.
i never take it for granted.

I had an amazing weekend
On friday I went to my manda's 19th bday party at charlie's
I was really surprised to find that I didn't like it.
not that I didn't want to be there for amanda, but i just didn't like the atmosphere
I guess being away from it so long put me right back to the beginning

I don't belong in it anymore. and that's fine
I'm happier with where I am now
I feel like I have a family
joe and his brothers love me, and i love them so much
i have immeasurable amounts of fun with them
always got me laughing
always got me smiling.

and then theres my baby,
by himself he's so amazing.
he makes me hot chocolate and oatmeal w.o me asking
and we watch tv
we say the same things at the same time and laugh haha (what is this like U2?)
we watch movies
we have adventures

i literally love every second of the day with him.

after amandas party joe came over to my house, and we went to the sandy parrot to see my dad play w/ alter ego
the bartender kept trying to serve me alcohol haha
then i fucked with jenn and told her i was at a bon jovi/brittney spears concert at germain and she actually started driving there
then i found out that her and three other girls were really out to scare me at my house when i was alone hahaha.
fuckers

then he slept over at my house bc in la manana we went to tampa to see tony and the bulls/cardinals game
my baby's 1st college football game annnd the bulls won!
then we went to Ybor which i love and knew that I would
I got 4 dresses at the fucking awesome store and my dad and joe got shirts too
then we went to art galleries, and checked out cool restaurants
after that we went to tony's apartment and watched shaun of the dead

we came home that night and were crashed out all the way there.
on sunday morning i actually got him to endure church with me haha
(under 3 conditions)
and after we went to the mall and he showed me the cool lightup diamond stud earrings
and we went to his house, watched the proposal and just had fun

long post haha
but deff. worth documenting
<3<3<3

pixistix040506@aol.com — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:45:51 GMT

best boyfriend.
went to the beach and got ice cream
then went job huntin

i<3egglet
i<3youbabyboo

kiss kiss

pixistix040506@aol.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:40:31 GMT

pretttttty good day today
raspberry-chocolate coffee just makes it every day!
went out to dinner with kayla and amanda for their birthdays at icabods
which is always nice :]

looking forward to this weekend hardcore
amandas bday party friday
my bay sleepin ova
orlando in the morning
football game with my tweetumz.

<3;D

vague today

pixistix040506@aol.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:31:49 GMT

In an argument everyone is right and wrong.
I recognize this, & always attempt to see the other side.
It just hurts to see lack of concern.

It also hurts to see things change- to see importance fade.

The more someone cares about a person, the more they will cry over them.
Usually, tears are recognized with compassion because tears are pain.

Mine are never for show. Never for attention.
But evidently, the reality of what's behind the tears loses importance. Just like me as a person is losing importance.

So I'm going to deliberately not cry.
It's a shame that I will have to hold it in because of lack of care.

recent yays on recent good days
1. my bay making hot chocolate and oatmeal for me and renting animal crossing for me
2. and then there were none --- "omigod!"
3. slurpeeeeees :D
4. crayola color magical mystical stuff

pixistix040506@aol.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:55:28 GMT

today was super gay
but then he made it all better
:]

right now i say fuck it all.
magic

i look pregnant and fat in these pics hahaha
but no worries
justt my hat n gloves in my hoodiee :)

zombiecon survivors

pixistix040506@aol.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:40:50 GMT

we all lose some,
but then we win some.
its that pendulum thang.
so wallow in it
because we all have our share of wallowing.

in other news...
Current problemo:
joseppi and I are planning to stay together in college
he would follow me there, where i would get my shit worked out and then he would go to sound recording classes wherever my job takes me.
that's the ideal plan
however ideal shit never works in this world so:
1) we want to move in together obviously it would be a hell of a lot easier if we didn't have to pay for two apartments.
Except my parents are PSYCHOPATHS and won't allow it
I haven't told that that tid bit yet
but i know its hopeless
2. i told my mother yesterday that we were planning to stay together and about, oh, 5 minutes ago she walked in my room saying "Joe and I will miss you when you go to college"
nice moronic hinting there mother but guess what
my passive behavior of non-resistance ends where joe begins
if i'm going to get defensive about something, it would definitely be that of which i've invested myself.
so me and joe staying together is going to happen
and if you say i won't be able to keep up with my studies so "no"
then you just made it worse because i will get a job and make it happen myself.

suckers

he's so against separate apartments though so
thats where i'm stuck

pixistix040506@aol.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:18:16 GMT

Tonight i was watching intervention
and my mind was blown for the rest of the evenin.
those stories are crazy and sad, especially the one about that girl brittany.
life can get so messed up sometimes

which is why i'm glad that i gotta good deal.

went to halloween horror nights last night
tiight!!
not as tight as in 7th grade- ( they got rid of scare zones :[! and only one of the two parks was open)

talkin to my boo riight now
i love him!!

pixistix040506@aol.com — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:36:48 GMT

I wrote him a poem :)

This morning, I woke from a dream

A dream that I would surly deem

To be the worst accumulation

Of my mercurial imagination

But hurt sparked only for an instant

For my heart knew to be resistant

You I trust, and you I hold

To be my life, my truth, my mold

And soon enough I got your call

You do not know, but I do fall

More in love with every word

To me you say, “I am a bird”

But when you left my arms tonight

that unjust stress consumed my sight

and as I entered my sweet home

I sat down and began this poem

What many people fail to see

With every poem in history

Is all the care in every letter

Chosen just to make it better

Better for the ones we love

Better honors for those above

Better truths for us to learn

Better ways to scar and burn

And all the time I spent writing

This for you, I hope it’s lighting

Up your smile, perfect and bright,

for a while, for tonight.

So now I’m happy to conclude

That this is my love, all for you

And all these perfect words agree

To show how much you mean to me

in sync

pixistix040506@aol.com — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 04:07:28 GMT

When I say it's worth it,...when I say I don't regret my choices
I mean it.

All my life I've been looking for someone who would give all of themselves to me just as i would for them.
I always have been that girl- the one who would go above and beyond for someone
especially my closest at the time.
There always is a closest with me. I don't really think that it's always a good thing, but thats how my relationships turn out.

But I often felt detached from everyone else.
I thought no one was like me in putting true effort into another's love ad happiness.
Now I've found it though.

I've found someone who doesn't believe in God but prays for me.
I've found someone who puts me first.
I've found someone who never fails to show me what I need to see.

so in sync. I never ask for anything, he just knows.

I'm so tired, but I just wish I could document this feeling.
This constant perfect part of my life-
the one with all my heart and soul.

weekend of champions

pixistix040506@aol.com — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 17:30:43 GMT

saw zombieland last night
it was the best movie ever
no lie this time
no exaggeration

it was AMAZING ;)
and so is this weekend as usual

going to the pottery garden today to finish my thankyou presents for my teachers
and joe's beer mug looks siiick

i love my boyfriend && my life

watching moulin rouge tonight too!
yessssssss

possible halloween horror nights next weekend!
then halloween
and christmas
new years
:D

BREAKIN THE RECORD ;D

pixistix040506@aol.com — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 01:49:02 GMT

eve of the 7 month !
quite the accomplishment i must say,...and it's still as wonderful as the very beginning.

today he gave me the gecco. the piece of BEAUTIFUL art he's been working on forever that turned out so amazing, but it was his first creation and he did want it so i re-gifted it and kept part b which was a sketched portrait of him from the mall of america.

i made him paper roses because he's allergic to real ones haha.
i gave him a locket that i've had since i was a tatertot and put pictures of us inside
and then i gave him pictures of megan fox which he ingeniously refused
muahah
what a brilliant man i am courted by :]

and we went to sakura again (an amazing chinese food restaurant!) where i told my family of my fairy-tale in progress (which took the whole dinner haha)

but today as always was perfect
happy
simple.

love everything :]

pixistix040506@aol.com — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 03:09:06 GMT

all better :]

went to chuck-e-cheese tonight with my bay, anthony the awesome, and his friend
lost in every game haha go figure
but still had an amazing time

there was this one game where you went inside a dark hummer simulator with a giant screen and shot colossal tarantulas and praying mantises! :D

i'm really happy with the flipside of my life
it's so much more free.

i love you.
you apologize even when i don't press the matter
even when i try to take things lightly, you give me the reaction that i need
you give me the love and care that everyone craves
it's so in sync

gayday

pixistix040506@aol.com — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:19:01 GMT

last night was messed up.
got blown off this morning-which sucks
gotta go to community service in an hour and a half: WONDERFUL.
applying for colleges now blah

just not too good in the heart right now
i'm extra emotional
don't really know why
i'm not PMSing

shweeeet!

pixistix040506@aol.com — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:53:00 GMT

i love my life
despite everything that changes

i'm not saying i'm not sorry to lose what i've lost
but i'm also not hard-hearted over it
my conscious is clear on my standards and if it isn't good enough for the people who are "forever" than there ya go.

there are no wrongs or rights.
depending on your life and your personality, you live to your own heart. my heart wanted a constant standing relationship with my friends that didn't seek attention. Thinking that i didn't want to hang out was rather assailing considering my treatment and love remained the same. but nobody's wrong here.

if i do end up alone then i'll live. i'm not going to depress myself over absentee friends when lonliness won't be for long. life changes so often and there are countless outlets to find what you want. i got what i wanted. a best friend and a boyfriend. it's a different type of relationship obviously, but it's important especially in this case.

and to all of the pessimistic non-believers,
what i have faith in isn't a dinky childhood dream. it's attainable and everyone else is just too weak to do it.

pixistix040506@aol.com — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 06:07:34 GMT

new nose sneak peak ahah
still swollen but here ya go

Writing gets difficult sometimes
I still many things to attempt with my best, like conveying the feelings of a relationship.

There are certain things that really get to those deep places in my heart.
I can never be angry with people because I can't resist compassion towards them.
It's a part of me- as I've said before.
People believe in scolding their others, yet when I see that someone is sorry, the instant I realize it's truth, that battle is over. That battle with anger and love is never a long one. First of all the "anger", if you can even call it that, is dull, and more of an annoyance or an offense.

Today I went over to Joe's house after school to hangout with him before he went to open gym with Cody. I knew I was going to see final destination with him after the gym, but as always I was excited to see him.
When I got there, he was playing wow with his brother- which is the everyday norm in that household, so I just chilled on the floor and drew/wrote some epic notes to anthony. After about two hours go by and start to sleep on the floor then I go to Joe's room and sleep in there because he told me he'd come in soon.
But he didn't and after I woke up he had to go.

I did want him to come lay down with me, I did want to spend some time with him after the 30 minute venture out to his house. And the ENTIRE time these chattering thoughts were nipping at my head I had thoughts battling back telling my emotions to calm the fuck down. I didn't want it to bother me, I wanted him to be able to play video games and have me there without feeling obligated to direct all attention to me. But the emotions of women are hard to fight, and I did get thrown off. I couldn't point my finger onto what it was that I was feeling, but I wasn't cheery as usual.

He picked up on it, and started feeling bad after I admitted it. He beat himself up about it and said he was stupid and those kinds of things get to me. The compassion in my heart is almost a hurt. I want him to stop hurting and an immediate consolation from my previous battling thoughts kicks in. It's me to feel the need to relieve others of their pain even if its due to the fact that they have offended me.

I love him so much it's hard to explain.

pixistix040506@aol.com — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:07:58 GMT

I invest 100% of myself in few things.
One of them is academics- not because I love them but because I love to succeed at something haha.
I invest 100% of my heart into nothing,...except this cutie righttt herr.
haha
To me, he's everything, and I'm happy always.
Just knowing that he loves me as much as anyone can, and feeling it everyday..
I'm given no options now, my heart chooses for me
and it chooses to believe in us, above all odds.
I'm not worried, because I know that I'm different from everyone else
and we're different from every other relationship.
Whoever believes what is irrelevant.
He's worth everything that I've given up, he's worth being given up on.
And being given up on is beyond my control.
My heart still loves the same- unconditionally and permanently - as cursed as that may be.
I have a curse that will always hurt me but always heal me later.
But I have faith in him, and I believe that he will be the one person to stay by me and never hurt me.
And if he does, he'll heal me later,...but we never know do we?

Like I said though, I'm not worried.
For once, really, I trust.
Now I trust.